non-specific accent

Glory Baby

2011-11-18T17:00:00.000-08:00

I have found that sometimes lyrics say things so much better than I ever could. The lyrics to this song are a perfect example of this.

GLORY BABY by Watermark

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

Silly: the new stage of grief

2011-11-07T12:41:00.000-08:00

I've always been silly. I embrace the silly. I love the silly. For some strange reason the silly is stalking me in my grief. So much so that my husband actually asked me if silly was a stage of grief. It isn't for most people but for me apparently it is. Luckily, all those around me love me enough to suffer the silly and understand that it is some sort of way I am processing this deep ache I feel over losing Evie.

My friend Carrie, (a.k.a. my bff from 4th grade) taught me something about grief recently. Well, first I taught her something and then she taught me something. Her niece had a serious car accident over a year ago that resulted in serious injuries including a traumatic brain injury. I taught her that when my Dad had his hunting accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury we had to grieve the loss of the man he was and our planned future with him. We had to do that be able to be present with the man he has become. The man that God blessed us with. She taught me that this grief process isn't linear. You don't' just get to stage 7 (acceptance) and it is all over. You just kinda cycle through it. Sometimes you skip some stages. Sometimes stages last for days or weeks and sometimes they last for minutes. Sometimes they last for months.

If someone were to ask me directly if I had any denial about my baby dying I would say no. But the reality is that sometimes I realize all over again that losing Evie means I don't get a baby on November 24th. It sounds crazy even to say it out loud but I have had moments when I have realized that there won't be any thanksgiving baby and I break down all over again.

The question I get ask most frequently is "How are you doing?" I always say...I'm doing ok. Taking it day by day. That is the the truth. Some days I am so sad I can't get out of bed. Other days I seem fine. Even on the ok days I usually cry all the way home from work. If the circumstances are allowing you to ask the question I'm not in my bed so that must mean I'm having an ok day. I know I will get through this. I know that there are going to brighter days.

Constant Sorrow

2011-10-25T12:45:00.000-07:00

Grieving is hard. Hard because sometimes everything feels so normal. Sometimes I can almost forget that I won't be having a Thanksgiving baby. Whenever anyone asked me when I was due I would say November 24th, we will have a lot to be thankful for this year!

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. I love it because it is a holiday where you get together with the ones you love and you express your gratitude and there are not gifts. We all just get to be grateful. Oh...and the food is super yummy! I was so excited that Evelyn Grace was going to be born around Thanksgiving. It just seemed so appropriate.

I know that someday when I think of my Evie it won't be all tears. Right now it is just so much sadness. Sometimes it is hard to remember what I'm thankful for. I make myself remember multiple times a day. I thank God for those things...family, friends, beautiful fall days, snuggles at bedtime, the love of a good man.

I am truly thankful that Evie was loved from the moment I knew about her. She brought so much joy into my life and to all those who love me and Ryan. Right now though it is just so sad. I don't want it to be sad. I'm ready to be done with the sad part of grief. I fear I will never stop being sad.

Broken Record

2010-04-14T14:45:00.000-07:00

I am so desperately tired. I went to the lady doctor and she upped my meds to help with the hormonal crazy. She told me to go to GP to deal with other issues. I have a new GP. I will call him Dr. Laptop. He is very nice and technologically advanced with his fancy laptop and stylus. He ran some labs and we are waiting on the results to figure out what might be causing the fatigue. I feel about a thousand times better mentally. Not sure if that is the upped meds or some hormonal stability that accompanies this time period in my cycle. Either way I'm grateful for the good mood and positive outlook. Now if can just get some energy things will be all better!

Weight Watcher Wednesday
I lost 4.5 lbs. I'm slowly making my way back to the lowest weight I attained at WW. I am 8.75 lbs. away. I'm done beating myself up over it. Just focusing on the things I'm doing right. My goal this week is to track everything I eat and to eat 5 servings from the fruit and veggie group daily.

In other news...

This is a conversation I had with Fighter Pilot the other day:

Accentia: Your first bonus spelling word is butterfly. Butterfly is a compound word.

Fighter Pilot: B-U-T-T-E-R (imitating a fly buzzing around our living room) F-L-Y.

A: Great! You second bonus word is insect.

FP: Insect is a compound word too! I-N (pointing between his legs) SEX (literally rolling on the floor laughing)

I had to laugh I couldn't help myself!

I get by with a little help from my friends...and family

2010-04-07T12:48:00.000-07:00

Hormones. Man.They.Suck.

I feel so much better today it is ridiculous. I knew hormones were playing a part in what was going on the past two days but I wasn't giving them enough credit. Having said that I am headed to my lady doctor tomorrow to discuss some treatment options. I have pretty bad PMS...might even be PMDD. I discussed this with my lady doctor the last time I saw her and we upped my dosage of my anti-depressant that week to see if that would do the trick. It appears not to be willing to even attempt the trick!

I clearly have had some depression this year that I am not used to experiencing. I seem to be able to tolerate it most days. Other days not so much. I am also going to have her run some thyroid test because my lack of energy has also been overwhelming and I don't' know whether it is related to the depression or the thyroid disorder. We shall see. I was telling Middle Sister that most days I can keep my negative self-talk in check but on bad days it kind of spirals. She said I might want to start by changing my tag line from "doing it wrong since 1976" to something more..I don't know...positive. I took down the negative and am trying to think of something to replace it.

Yesterday my work family, Middle Sister and Sexy pulled me through. I have said a special prayer of thanks to God for them. I am so grateful to have a support system. If your reading this...thank you so much! You will never know how much your kind words helped me in my time of need.

Weight Watchers Update

SURPRISE!!! I lost 2.25lbs this week. I tracked about half the time. I had a miniature Reece cup incident involving plastic eggs and a sever lack of discipline and I made The Pioneer Woman's mashed potatoes for Easter at my Mom's. I've linked the recipe. It is not point friendly. It is however the.best.mashed.potatoes.ever! Sexy peeled 10 lbs. of potatoes. He loves me. I love him. While he was standing over the sink peeling I told him that he had never looked more sexy. Honest!

One interesting thing about the past two days is that I stayed on points (OP). It is usually the first thing to go. I'm glad it didn't work out that way this time. Weight Watchers is having a walking challenge that culminates in walking a 5K on 6/6/10. Middle Sister and I are going to do it together. Hopefully this will help me get back into the moderate activity that really helps me stay on track.

Middle Sister is doing WW online. It has been fun to have that be one more thing we can talk about. She is having success and I am very proud of her. She said something to me last week that really helped. She told me to remember the reason I started all this in the first place. Which is so I can have a baby. It has really helped me to stay focused. Thanks Middle Sister!

Also I've been getting daily tip of the day via email from PeerTrainer. Great info and it seems like a great program.

Lost

2010-04-06T09:09:00.000-07:00

I have a post-it attached to my computer screen that says "Possibly Blog Post" at the top and underneath it is a list of things I want to write about but haven't found the time. On the list is "SAD".

There was a moment in February when I kinda fell apart. I just felt like I couldn't function anymore. I had not felt like myself for a while...probably a month or more but couldn't' figure out the problem. It felt like depression but I had only ever experienced situational depression. I couldn't figure it out. I have a great husband, great children, great job, great life but I could only focus on what was wrong with me and my life. I had put on a mask and most didn't even know that anything was wrong with me. There was a day though in February when I just broke. I couldn't fake it anymore. I consulted my google md and discovered that I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder. It fit all my symptoms. My mother has struggled with this and has one of those special lights she uses in the darker months. I was surprised I hadn't thought of is sooner. I felt so much better just having figured it out. It was almost spring. The time was changing. There would be more sunlight and I would be ok.

I would find my joy again. The joy I have in serving my family. In meal planning, grocery shopping and providing my family with nutritious food. In doing laundry and the bedtime routine. The joy I have in Church activities like Bible Study, Sunday School and helping to plan the community Easter sunrise service. The joy I have in watching my children at batting practice and soccer practice. The joy in my everyday life that had been so abundant in the past but seemed to have disappeared. Making those activities a burden. A chore. A yolk.

I had also had some problems with taking my vitamins and medications regularly. Including my thyroid medicine which probably contributed to lack of energy and my anti-depressant...which I don't know might be contributing the THE FREAKING DEPRESSION. (I am actually prescribed the anti-depressant for anxiety but whatever)

So here we are. It is April. I'm still not myself. I'm still not finding my joy. I still can only see what is wrong. What is wrong with me. What I am doing wrong. All the bad things about myself. I'm trying. I swear I am. I'm trying to see the joy.

In case you were wondering I gained last week. I'll probably gain this week to. This is of course on the list of what is wrong with me.

I was watching Oprah last night and she was talking about "Women, Food and God: An Unexpected Path to almost Everything". She was doing an update on a woman who had been on the show 5 years ago after having lost 150 lbs. She had gained it all back and had lost another 100. She and Oprah were talking about how you have to love yourself and your situation as you are right now. At the weight you are right now. The way you are right now. Otherwise you will just continue to gain the weight back. I'm so far from that place it is hard to even imagine it.

I'm struggling. I know I will be ok but I could use your prayers right now.

Melting

2010-03-23T09:09:00.000-07:00

I have this habit of using a word to describe something that is not entirely accurate and also not a common use of the word but it fits the situation. This is similar to my habit of breaking into non-specific accents for absolutely no reason. These habits might be the reason my Mom started calling me eccentric at the ripe age of 26. I don't always make these things up...actually I often hear someone say them and just glom onto them and keep them forever.

I've discussed before that if someone in my house has a fever I say they are "on fire". This actually started on a trip to the ER at our local children's hospital where there were several newborns who were so read and feverish they looked like they were on fire.

When children are fit pitching snotty slobbering messes I say they are "melting".

Sassafras melted yesterday after soccer practice. She is 9 so I feel comfortable dropping her off and picking her up when I have things that require my presence at home. Yesterday the soccer field was a wet mess so they did drills in the parking lot. Drills to help them improve on ball handling and endurance. I think there was lots of running and jumping and unlike when they are actually playing soccer there was not much standing around catching your breath. In her defense she has been sick since Friday and I considered keeping her home from practice. I picked her up and she was a hot mess. Her hair was soaking wet and her face was bright red. As soon as she saw me she melted. Just dissolved into a heap of sobs. Once she was able to cool down she told me she was just overly hot and exhausted from the practice. This was my and Sexy's conversation about the whole ordeal.

Accentia: Sassafras was a sobbing mess when I picked her up from soccer practice.

Sexy: What happened?

Accentia: Well she said she was just hot and tired. After I got her calmed down and cooled off I quizzed her to make sure that was it. Did something happen at practice. Did someone do something or say something? Did you get hurt? She maintained that it was just a hot and tired thing *shrugs* (which is completely ineffective to convey anything when you are talking on the phone)

Sexy: She's a cryer

Accentia: I know...I can't relate.

Of Weight Watchers Updates and Punks

2010-03-18T15:15:00.000-07:00

Weight Watchers
I lost 1 1/4 lbs. this week. It was a miracle. I didn't track. Which means I'm not making the best choices. Clearly my choices were not soooo bad but still I'm sure that I could have lost more. I have been tracking online at fatsecret.com. I won a 3 month journal once in a drawing at my WW meeting. I am wondering if I might do better tracking on pencil and paper. I am going to start doing that tomorrow since we will be going camping some over spring break and I won't have internet access. I also know that, depending on the weather, we might be leaving for the woods before my meeting next week. This might also cause a disturbance in the force. I would love it if I missed my meeting, went camping and still lost weight!!!! That is the goal. S'mores are mocking me. I can feel it.

Punks
I call my kids punks. I use it as a term of endearment and of frustration. I can be confusing when I'm raising little human beings. Other times too.

I said of Sassafras on facebook the other day, "I love that punk". A friend was all "what is up with this punk business" and I was like, "hello The Pioneer Woman." Link provided for any of you who have been in a cave (with my friend) and haven't heard me obsess over her blog or her cookbook and then been forced by excessive linkage to actual go to her site and see that she calls her kids punks. She also uses it as a term of endearment and frustration. I heart The Pioneer Woman. She has ignited my passion for cooking.

Anywho, the punks have been particularly adorable lately so I thought that I would share.

Fighter Pilot is seven and starting to get some chores around the house.. beyond keeping his space clean. He now takes the laundry down to the laundry room. The was something I often had both kids do at my convenience but am now officially make it FP's chore. On his first attempt he came up without the empty hampers. He informed me that he was leaving the "hamsters" downstairs for me to empty. I promptly told him that emptying and returning the hampers to there normal resting place is part of his "chore"...welcome to big boy land! Then Sexy and I *rolledonthefloorlaughing* because hampsters...I swear it was funny. Ok, maybe you had to be there. what.ever.

Sassafras was on the phone the other day planning her birthday party. She was on the phone for 30 minuets. The food list included: pizza, chips, ring pops, fun dip, cupcakes, popcorn, skittles, m and m's and an assortment of doughnuts! The activity list includes: wii, ice skating, swimming and watching movies. The guest list included 10 girls. There will be a pairing down. I assure you...but to hear her on the phone was so adorable. My favorite part was this exchange:

Accentia: You might as well plan your breakfast as well (this was before doughnuts was on the list).

Sassafras: Do I have too? (to her friend on the phone) No skittles are fine I was talking to my (wait for it...wait for it) MOM.

People who find out that I am the bonus mom and am called by my first name often tell me that they had no idea I wasn't the bio-mom because the kids both call me "mom" when referencing me. I never get to hear it. It was awesome!

Weight Watchers Wednesday

2010-03-11T13:02:00.000-08:00

These post are sooooo much easier when I've lost weight! :) I lost 3.75 lbs this week...woo woo! Most of last week and this week I have been tracking, eating my fruits and veggies, and just generally making better decisions.

I am struggling with the fact that I backtracked so much in February. It makes me want to throw my hands in the air and give up. But I'm not going to. I'm going to stop berating myself for what I did wrong and focus on the present and what I am doing right. Right now I am focusing on getting back down to what I weighed on February 3rd when I made my 10% goal. I've got 12.5 lbs. to go.

For my next trick...

2010-03-03T13:11:00.000-08:00

I will distract you from the fact that I am not going to post about Weight Watcher Wednesday (because after all that forgiving and moving on I never got back on track and missed last week due to illness and have now gained even more weight back...like I'm back to a weight I haven't seen since September) by telling you some a cute and funny story about one of my kids.

Fighter Pilot is seven. This was the first time he watched the winter Olympics. He loved them! One Saturday when Sexy was in the garage working on his boat (more post about that later I'm sure) and Sassafras was busy watching the same four shows they repeat on the Disney channel (stop judging me) FP and I were snuggled on the couch watching the winter Olympics. Whatever event we had been watching ended and they cut to the start of the men's 15K mass start biathlon. I don't even understand what I just said exactly but that is what the event was called. So there are all these men who are skiing on cross country skies and they have what appears to be rifles strapped to their backs. We watch for a minute and then FP had a question.

Fighter Pilot: How long do they ski before they can start shooting each other?

I laughed so hard it offended him. The ultimate Olympic sport...where the only one still alive is the winner!

Putting my punks to bed

2010-02-25T13:48:00.000-08:00

Bedtime routine is my favorite part of the day. I love that Sassafras and Fighter Pilot are clean and snugly. I love reading to them and having them read to me.

The part that has been complicated lately is the teeth brushing. The kids bathroom in the new house is smaller than in the old house. It is really only holds one person at a time. Since moving we have staggered bedtimes to accommodate the need to have only one person in there at a time. (Also, because Sassafras was offended on a daily basis that she had the same bedtime at a 1st grader and the same bedtime she has had since kindergarten. Nine year olds are so silly!) Sometimes we get backed-up and they both end up in there at the same time.

It is almost always disastrous.

The other night Sassafras was brushing her teeth and Fighter Pilot needed to use the facilities before he got in bed. They were both in the bathroom. I was standing in front of FP's bedroom door waiting to tuck him in and turn out his light. I hear him flush and he came flying down the hall and about the time he gets to me Sassafras makes that sucking wind sound that you make when you just saw something truly terrifying.

Accentia: What? What is it? Are you ok?

Sassafras: Um I'm fine. The toothpaste just got flushed down the toilet.

Apparently, FP had left the counter top wet and slippery when he brushed his teeth, then he used the bathroom and flushed the commode. Next, as if by magic, Sassafras' arm slipped and hit the toothpaste causing it to fly into the toilet just as it was finishing flushing.

As I approached the bathroom I'm preparing myself to reach into the toilet to get the toothpaste. Not sure what I was saving it for because you know it was going straight.to.the.TRASH. But it wasn't in the toilet. Sass wasn't exaggerating when she said that it got flushed DOWN the toilet.

So it turns out a regular size Colgate kid's toothpaste tube goes straight through our plumbing...no worries.

"I'm a pothole"

2010-02-22T14:28:00.000-08:00

Geico has this commercial where a pothole talks. The first time I heard it I thought...oh great another hack southern accent. Then someone actually said I sound like that commercial and I thought they were crazytown!

Since then I have been interrupted once in the middle of a story and once at the end of a story by someone saying "I'm a pothole". Completely different group of people and different story same response.

So, I guess I have a hack southern accent!

I am embracing it and can now do the commercial in its entirety. In case you've missed it here is a link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjMUfIKktWU

PSHAW

2010-02-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

I gained 7.5 lbs in the past two weeks. I am forgiving myself, putting it behind me and starting anew.

I intentionally ate out of control. I had a little whycan'tieatwhatiwantandjustbefatandhappy pity party. It didn't end well. Honestly, I knew because of work I would not be attending my Weight Watchers meeting last week. Turned out that the meeting got canceled on account of the treacherous weather anywho. I was going to cut myself some slack and indulge a little. One day turned into two...turned into a week turned into two. what.ev.er (Sexy prefers pshaw and I happily indulge)

So here I am. Basically having undone all the weight I lost since the new year.

I am forgiving myself, putting it behind me and starting anew.

For Valentine's Day, Sexy got me the most beautiful roses. They were 100 garden spray roses. Red, orange, yellow, pink, hot pink, and white. They smell wonderful. I love them. He is a wonderful husband and father. I wish he truly knew that because I feel like he questions it sometimes. Though I certainly have my share of days where I don't' feel like I'm a particularly good wife or mother...mine are probably undeserved as well. I got him a trailer dolly. Yes sir, nothing says I love you with all my heart and soul like a trailer dolly.

I am forgiving myself, putting it behind me and starting anew.

I didn't walk on my two week vacation for living a healthier life. I'm back on track though and still planning on walking a 5K with Middle Sister in March.

I am forgiving myself, putting it behind me and starting anew.

I love the Olympics. I love watching it with my kids. K.D. Lang did an awesome job with "Hallelujah" in the opening ceremonies. Sexy hates watching figure skating. I love making him.
Speaking of music this song spoke to me today. It is by a Christian artists named Katy Kinard. You can listen to it on her website:

http://www.katykinard.com/icws202w3/index.cfm?ID=6D889660-57BE-4A46-914B2AECC2D52772

here

i've never given up so much for you/ i've never been quick to obey/ but this time i knew the voice was you/ and so i gave all i gave/ i’ve heard it said that when you’re needed most, sometimes it seems that you’re not there/ so it’s been hard to love the choice i chose when it seemed to me you’d all but disappeared (ch) but now you’re here just like the sun after the rain/ and now you’re here just like the calm after the waves/ and i don’t mean to sound surprised that you’d be near/ but yesterday i wasn’t sure/ praise God You’re here. i’ve heard that even in the eaglets’ nest, the mother watches when they fall/ and they would never learn to spread their wings if she came right as they called/ ...and so i'm falling in the open sky/ and it's been hard to even breathe/ i've been waiting for a Father's love to carry me/ to carry me (br) and like the years before i met you, you were still there/ ...though it took so long to see you, you were still there/ and you're still here

I am forgiving myself, putting it behind me and starting anew.

10% GOAL...Yes, I DID!!!

2010-02-03T11:48:00.000-08:00

I have lost 29 lbs. I achieved my 10% goal this week and I am over the moon! I had some slip ups but I felt like I was going to lose. I didn't know that I was going to lose enough to achieve this milestone.

I have always heard that support is the key and I have to say that I believe that to be true. The Weight Watchers meetings have been very helpful and full of support. At first I honestly thought the meetings were kind of stupid and wasn't sure they were helping although I felt the weekly weight in (read: accountability) was helping. Then I realized that many of the behaviors I was changing were inspired by comments from our lead or other members.

It has also been very helpful that I have a very good friend who is doing WW and she is the one who inspired me to start. We go to the same weekly meeting and walk there together. She has done a phenomenal job with the WW program. She has listened to me moan and bitch and has helped me through those weeks and months where I wasn't losing. She always takes time to help me try and figure out what is causing me to slip up and come up with a plan to not let it keep happening. She is the person who got me to do the detox which I think was a big break through for me in my relationship with food. She is very ambitious and goal oriented...me...not so much. Having her there to help me and check in with me has made a HUGE difference.

My friends, family and co-workers have also been very helpful. I come back from my lunch WW meeting and announce what I lost...or gained as the case may be. They are always there with encouraging words no matter what my announcement is. My family often checks in with me on Wednesday afternoons to see how I did. They too always say the right things...even when I am beating myself up over a loss.

The key difference so far is that I am not giving up. When I have a bad day...or even a bad meal...I start over. I don't dwell. I'm trying to learn not to beat myself up over it. I am persevering. It is marvelous. I am thankful.

I am going to post my bio from my fatsecret.com account bio below which will give you some information about my struggle with my weight. I use it to help me track my points and for support. If you wanna be my buddy just holler and I'll email you my fatsecret name.

I am 33, married and a bonus mom to two children under 10. I am an attorney who luckily works a regular shift. I have struggled with my weight for what seems like my entire life. I was always round. I thought I was fat. I look back now at pictures from elementary school and realize I never was fat. In 7th and 8th grade I was a normal size but all my friends were size 2's or 0's so I was certain I was fat. Then somewhere along the way I actually got fat. By the time I graduated from high school I wore a size 18. I have not achieved any substantial weight loss in my life. I usually give up after a week or two if I don't see the result I want.

This time is different. I am in this for life. I am not dieting. I am learning to change habits and routines. I am using the Weight Watchers program to help me make these changes. I am going to get healthy and happy. My main goal is to get to a weight I feel healthy enough to have a baby. I'm not sure what that weight is yet but I'll let ya know!

Weight Loss Goals:

5% loss (14 lbs.): September 9, 2009
10% goal (28 lbs.): February 3, 2010
15% goal (42 lbs.):

Activity Goals:

I am currently walking. I started the Weight Watchers walking plan three weeks ago and I have been following it and often walking for longer than required. I am walking after work with my kids and dog. We are really enjoying it and I can already feel the difference!

Weight Watcher Wednesday

2010-01-25T12:45:00.000-08:00

First, I lost another 2.5 lbs. this week. It is my lowest weight since starting WW. I am less than a lb. away from my 10% goal. I'm having trouble getting excited about it for a couple reasons. First of all I struggled last week and this week isn't any easier. I've always felt like the scale is a week behind my behavior. I am fully expecting to see a gain this week because I know that I ate too much last week. This week isn't much better. The thing I'm learning is that I can't just stop because of a bad day, bad week or even bad month. I know I can do this I just have to keep going back to those things I know work.

I am honestly not doing so great with my eating at night. It has always been a struggle for me. I will continue to try working out the kinks. I am still drinking water but not as much as when I was on the detox. (Sassafras calls it my non-toxic diet...which is accurate and cute!) I am doing good keeping my consumption of sweet tea and cokes to almost nil. I had two cokes last week and two sweet teas. I consider that a victory. I am pretty much in love with steel cut oats and lentil soup. I eat them for breakfast and lunch almost every work day. I make one batch on Sunday and that gives me 4 servings of each.

I've started the WW basic walking plan. I am planning on walking a 5K in March with my sister. I am doing ok with the plan. Not perfect but I am continuing it and hoping to get better at incorporating activity into my lifestyle. One thing I'm learning is to be flexible. I've always felt that in order to exercise "right" I needed to do it in the morning. I will continue to think that but so far the best time to fit it in is right when we get home for the day. I usually give the kids the offer to go with. So far they have accompanied me every time. Unexpected quality time with kids while we all get healthy! BONUS!! So I've decided that I'm totally ok with exercising during that time of day. We will figure out a new plan on days when we have soccer (starts in Feb.) and baseball (starts in April).

In other news:

I promise to someday actually do my pioneer woman's cinnamon roll post. I'll tell you that the joy shared between my sister, daughter and I while making them was by far the best part. Even better than eating the cinnamon rolls..which means it was GOOD.TIMES!
Sexy and I are having DATE NIGHT this Friday. I am super excited. I love date night!
I had never noticed the Leonard Cohen song "Hallelujah" before a contestant sang it, quite beautifully, for her American Idol audition last week. It touched my heart. I'm including the lyrics here for you to enjoy.

"Hallelujah"

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Weight Watchers Update

2010-01-15T19:01:00.000-08:00

I started weight watchers on 6/24/09. As of Wednesday 1/13 I have lost 25 lbs. I wish it was more but I am happy to see it go. After losing 2.5 lbs the week after Christmas I gained 3 lbs the next week. This week I lost 5.25. I am basically back to where I was the first week of November.

I did a detox to help jump start my weight loss and help get me off cokes and sweet tea. I was really tired of drinking my points. The biggest part of the detox (linked below) was cutting out all sugar, all wheat and gluten, all PROCESSED FOODS. I ate a lot of steel cut oats and lentil soup. Recipes linked below. Even more fruit and salads. I drank a lot of water and took a regimen of supplements that included many things I should have been taking anyway. Omegas, vitamin C, probiotics (I do already take one but the detox calls for 2 daily), milk thistle (which dr. oz told Oprah I should be taking this a long time ago) and fiber. I was very tired and very cranky the first three days. After that I felt great. I am hoping to continue some of the things from the detox.

I am going to reduce my processed food intake. I am going to make my lentil soup instead of eating lentil soup from a can. I am going to eat six servings of fruits and veggies a day.I am going to drink mostly water but will allow 100% juice and V-8 and the occasional sweet tea. My goal is to not have more than two non-water drinks a day.

I am tracking everyday. Another thing I finally got back on track during the detox.

detox diet http://www.womentowomen.com/detoxification/detoxdiet.aspx

best lentil soup ever. you can skip the puree step. but don't. http://find.myrecipes.com/recipes/recipefinder.dyn?action=displayRecipe&recipe_id=1842306

steel cut oats http://www.supercinski.net/2009/09/steel-cut-oats-recipes/

Weight Watchers Wednesday

2009-12-30T10:52:00.000-08:00

I lost 2.5 lbs. over.Christmas. FOR.THE.REALZ!!!!!

I didn't start tracking again until Monday, 12/28 but have done a good job of tracking this week. I think that the loss resulted from several achievements.

First, I didn't go back for seconds at any Holiday meals. We have four Christmas Dinners. I usually go back for seconds at every single one. This year I allowed myself to eat a regular portion of the stuff I wanted and dedicated myself to not going back.

Second, I also did much better with desserts. I usually get small pieces of basically everything available. Then I would go back and get more of the things I really liked. I managed to limit myself to a regular portion of ONE dessert or two smaller portions of two desserts and did not go back for seconds.

Third, I did not graze a work. We have a credenza in our "lobby" area and people bring things...snacky yummy things...and put them there throughout the holidays. We also get gifts from other agencies and they end up there as well. I had a little incident with some chocolates a couple weeks before Christmas and it made me decide to just not eat anything off that damn credenza!

In the interest of full disclosure I need to admit that I did eat all the candy from my stocking and even some from my husbands. I did eat a LOT of chocolate chips cookies on Christmas Eve. I did eat cinnamon rolls on several occasions. That was plural rolls in case you didn't notice.

I think that one thing that really helped was going to the WW meeting last week. I knew I was going to gain but I am pretty sure that if I hadn't gone I would have gained even more this week and certainly would not have lost 2.5 lbs!!!!

The Pioneer Woman cinnamon roll post is coming I promise!

definitely naughty

2009-12-23T19:39:00.000-08:00

Weight Watchers Wednesday

As you may recall in my last blog entry from a month ago I was reviewing all the issues that were causing me to lose and gain the same couple of pounds. Those issues continue...but now with Christmas spirit! Here is a break down since my 11/18 weigh in:

12/2 gained 3.25
12/12 lost 2
12/23 gained 2.5

20 lbs lost since June 24, 2009.

Between now and 1/6 my goal is to track everything I eat. Even if I don't know the points. It has to go in the tracker if it goes in my mouth. That seems to be the key on WW. If I don't track...I don't follow the plan...I don't lose.

I made Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon rolls with Sassafras and Middle Sister. That will be my next post on 12/8.

Why I keep losing and gaining the same 2 lbs.

2009-11-23T07:23:00.000-08:00

Weight Watchers ~~Wednesday~~ Monday

I gained 1 3/4 lbs. This week. I am seriously gaining and losing the same two pounds and have been for the last month. I am trying to figure out why but the truth is I know why I just have to admit it to myself and to you faithful reader!

1. I am not tracking what I'm eating. This means I am not tracking my points. On some days I think I am staying within my point range but on many I know I am not.

2. I haven't found a zero point coke replacement yet. For the time being I have mostly replaced my coke habit with my sweet tea habit. It is really not an improvement.

3. I am not exercising with any consistency. I have walked a couple times but nothing to brag about. I am not using the Wii Fit. I have got to stop making excuses and get moving!

4. I am having a motivation issue. I've lost 25 lbs. That is great. I still have more than 100 lbs. to go. I can't just start taking months off.

I'm going to have to find the strength to push through and do the things I KNOW I need to do even when the motivation is lacking!

What is a Beyonce?

2009-11-20T12:39:00.000-08:00

Sexy works nights sometimes. The other evening the kids and I took him some dinner at work. He was telling me about something he had seen on TV where Ashton Kutcher punk'd Beyonce. She was the celebrity responsible for placing the star on the top of a huge tree. They had a cherry picker type thing that lifted her to the top. When she placed the star on top the TREE.FELL.OVER. She freaked. Sexy said it was great.

As we were pulling away Fighter Pilot said, "What is a beyonce?

That cracked me up...and it only got funnier from there.

I explained WHO Beyonce was. When I said she was a singer I launched into a little Single Ladies, "All the single ladies, all the single ladies"

Sassafrass immediately started relating to me about where she had heard that song before.

Sassafrass: In Alvin and the Chipmunks the squeakquel there are these

Accentia: wait...did you just say squeakquel?

S: *in her best announcer voice* There have been many great sequels. There have even been prequels. Now get ready for the world' first SQUEKQUEL

*cue uproariously laughter*

Sassafrass went on to explain the scene from the preview where the teenage chipmunk girls are singing "Single Ladies".

Then for the finale Fighter Pilot, dancing in a way that is only possible while strapped in a car seat, using his very best girl chipmunk voice, launched into the song, "If you like then you better put a ring on it. If you like it then you better put a ring on it".

I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants!

Here are the ladies doin' their thang!

2009-11-12T12:57:00.000-08:00

Fresh Flowers

These are sunflowers purchased from our local food club and greenery purchased from our local Kroger. There were twice as many sunflowers originally but they died before I remembered to get a picture.

Weight Watchers ~~Wednesday~~ Thursday

I lost 1.25 lbs. over the last two weeks. Normally I would celebrate this loss but it has me confused. During the first week of the two week time period I had a couple incidents and accidents involving cupcakes and Halloween Candy. I did well with the Halloween candy right up through Tuesday night. Luckily Sexy had gotten rid of most of the good stuff but I still raided the candy bucket. The cupcakes are from our local gourmet cupcakery. I bought them for the mother/daughter book club we hosted this month. There were leftovers. I ate them. So on Wednesday I was out of town and realized I would not get back in town to weigh. I suddenly decided I could have a cheeseburger and onion rings for lunch. Then I just completely stopped tracking my food. On Saturday I had a frozen custard "concrete" with Reece's peanut butter cups. Then my in-laws had car trouble near us on Sunday and ended up staying the night and buying us pizza. I was really worried that I would gain like 5 lbs. I guess I am now worried that next weeks weigh in is going to show the week of fail. Either way I am back on track. I have had a couple of cokes over the past two weeks. Nothing substantial. I am hoping that offset my eating and was the reason for the loss. *fingerscrossed*

OCDD

2009-11-05T12:32:00.000-08:00

I had a conflict with my Weight Watchers meeting this week so I didn't get to weigh in. I have not had a coke since last Wednesday. At this moment, I would kill for a coke. However, I am alone and it seems impracticable to commit suicide for a coke.

OCDD = obsessive compulsive dishwasher disorder

I have always had a "thing" about cleaning dishes. It think it is related to doing dishes at my bio-dads. He didn't have a dishwasher and my sisters and I, when we were with him, were expected to do the dishes. I could never get them clean enough so I was always the rinser. Probably appropriate given that I was also the "baby". Whatever the cause, I am INSANE about the dishes being clean before they go into the dishwasher.

This can create a backlog of dishes that need to be cleaned before they are put into the dishwasher. When Sexy gets tired of looking at all the dishes I haven't done he starts loading the dishwasher. If I am home this will lead to the following exchange.

Accentia: Are you washing those first?

Sexy: I am if they need it.

LIAR. He always feeds me that lie or some version of it. I always let it go until I unload the dishwasher and there is FOOD on the dishes.

This was not as big of a problem before we moved. At the older tiny house we had this fancy European dishwasher that Sexy got off Ebay for a steal. I would get frustrated when he loaded but there was no HATE when I unloaded because that dishwasher usually removed all food from all dishes prior to sanitizing them. I.LOVED.THAT.DAMN.DISHWASHER.

Then we moved into the ugly green house (this is the official title bestowed upon our residence by Fighter Pilot) and now we have a dishwasher that was made in 1978. If it ever did remove food it no longer does. Mostly it just takes anything left on the dishes and spreads it all over the rest of the dishes. I.HATE.THIS.FUCKING.DISHWASHER!

I am getting a handle on the laundry but the dishes ARE.KILLING.ME!

*will update this post with a picture of said dishwasher.

Happy Halloween!

2009-11-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

We made it to the pumpkin patch finally! It has rained so much lately that we were not sure we would make it. Luckily, it stopped raining on Friday and we got to go Saturday, October 31st...just under the wire! As you can see Sexy is the MOST excited to be there!! :)

Water...FTW!

2009-10-29T09:04:00.000-07:00

FTW = for the win. I had to look it up the first time I saw it on twitter so I thought I'd just tell you and save you the search of urbandictionary.com.

I quit cokes yesterday. I gained 1 1/4 lb. at WW. I was expecting it. Once again I had indulged a little more than I should have but am quite sure that I did well with the portion control of the food.

The cokes...not so much.

I am addicted to cokes. I admit it. The addiction is compromising my ability to get my body where I want it to be. I can justify drinking one a day but I know in my heart that there will be too many days where I can't stop at just one.

When I am with family doing something special I have figured out how to either make choices that will keep me in my points allowance or make a conscious decision to eat things that will make me go over my points. Either way it is a conscious decision and when I decide to go over my points I always feel it is worth it. The choice to drink coke is almost always made subconsciously or for convenience and NEVER worth it.

I literally cried a little at the WW meeting when I decided I had to quit them. I told my friend and WW cohort immediately to give me some accountability. I am not sure why the tears came to my eyes. How bizarre is that...crying about cokes? Silly is what it is. I think the tears are more about coming to terms with myself and my inner brat/princess/child about choices I have to make to be healthier. This losing weight is sometimes more of a battle in my mind than anywhere else. That battle can be so difficult but is proving to be SO WORTH IT!

I am taking charge of my body. I'm not going to let my future be controlled by a stupid addiction to cokes that I know I am bigger than and stronger than. For heaven's sake I quit smoking two years ago. If I can kick the nicotine habit I CAN.DO.THIS!!!

Short and Sweet

2009-10-22T14:38:00.000-07:00

Weight Watchers Wednesday

I know I know...it's Thursday. I'm easily distracted! I lost...wait for it...wait for it...5.5 lbs. this week!!! Woo Woo! I am 2.5 lbs away from my 10% goal. I would love to reach it next week but I realize this is a marathon not a 5k and I am just going to keep plugging away and celebrate all downward movement on the scale without any "expectation" of how much I "should" be losing every week.

Fresh Flowers

More on my Wii Fit challenge tomorrow...or the next day...you know when I am less distracted!

The 2009 Camping Extravaganza!

2009-10-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

Weight Watchers Wednesday
Gained 3 1/2 lbs. this week.
Defeat they name is s'more...and they were totally worth it!

We went camping last weekend.

When one of the counselors at my kids aftercare program found out we were camping she said, "you don't strike me as a camper". I'm not really. Given a choice I am usually going to opt for my bed and the creature comforts of home. Luckily I haven't always had a choice and therefore can and do appreciate "the camping".

When I was a girl we started out with tent camping. I am the youngest of three girls. My parents always had their own big tent and then the three of us would squeeze into this tiny little tent. At the time it didn't faze me but looking back I am really curious about it. However I'm not going to ask because I'm too afraid the answer might involve my parents having "the sex". We moved on and into a pop up pull behind thingy and to be honest I felt that thing was way more work than it was worth. The putting up and then the taking down and cleaning blah blah blah. Tents just seemed easier. Then my parents got smart or better paying jobs and we started renting cabins and houses on the lake. That is my preference...all the amenities of home but right on the water. Before I started dating Sexy I hadn't actually camped since I was a teenager.

Sexy has some friends from Louisiana that like to come and camp in Arkansas. I totally understand that cause everything in Arkansas is better than in Louisiana. They preferred the "off the grid" type camping that I had never experienced. No electrical hook ups. No bathroom just a stones throw away. The first year we were dating Sexy went without me. However, all his friends brought their wives or girlfriends and kids and he made it clear that the next year he wanted me to come along. I'm not sure how we came to be kid-free on that weekend but it was just Sexy and I that made the pilgrimage to the Quachita National Forrest to join his friends for their annual camping event. It was a blast but very different from the camping I was used to. That was the last year of camping for that group of friends. Everyone moved far far away. Our family has continued the tradition. Last year was year three and we took some of our friends with us. They had been wanting to go camping. We had a good time. This year it was just us.

Fighter Pilot totally called this one on day two when he said, "This is the BEST CAMPING TRIP EVER!" The caps are indicative of his yelling! It really was a great time. There is nothing like going "off grid" with your husband and kids to let you relax and reconnect. There were no tv's, cell phones or interwebs to attend to. It was just us and mother nature. It was awesome. Here are some of my pictures of our adventure. (not the best quality because they were taken with my camera phone) It was cold and wet but magical.

Our tent was right next to this. It sounded beautiful but loud. The first night, in response to me talking about how beautiful it was Fighter Pilot said, "Can you turn it down? I'm never going to get to sleep!"

Our lovely compound. It is way to big but totally awesome. We have gotten much faster at putting it up and taking it down.

The camp "kitchen".

I love a campfire!

but not as much as I LOVE these punks!

Acky Breaky Heart

2009-10-07T13:55:00.000-07:00

Weight Watcher Wednesday

I lost another 2 1/2 lbs. I am down 23.5 lbs. total. I was a little worried because I went to a tasting at a hotel for a lunch my office is hosting. I happen to be good friends with the catering manager of this hotel and he told the people from my office who arrange these things to bring me along for the tasting. It was so yummy. We got to sample three different entrees. The samples were basically 1/2 a portion. Then we got THREE desserts. Full portions. Double chocolate cake, banana pudding made with the hotel's signature cookies instead of vanilla wafers and bread pudding. I love dessert! I ate the full 1/2 servings of each entree and 1/2 of each dessert. It was my lunch and dinner. I guess it all worked out since I lost weight. To be honest though it is not often I get to eat such wonderfully prepared food and there was no way I was going to turn it down. It would have been worth gaining a couple pounds! Luckily that didn't happen! Could I possibly use more exclamation points?!

Meanwhile back on the ranch...

Sassafras is nine. She got her first blemish this month. She also no longer believes in Santa Clause...something about a bar code on her tv last year...what.ev.er. She is too smart for her own good.

I knew that motherhood would be hard work. What I was totally ill prepared for was the emotional difficulty that comes when they grow up. My theme song has always been "I don't wanna grow up". I embrace the silly. I often refer to myself as a 5 year old and to be honest I often act like one...in good and bad ways! I guess I should have known that watching them grow up would be hard. She is the most awesome little girl in the world and I am sure she will be the most awesome tweenager but why why why! Don't get me wrong I burst with pride for her accomplishments and milestones but one day she will roll her eyes when I call her "baby girl". It is breaking my heart.

Wii Fit

2009-10-02T12:20:00.000-07:00

We got a Wii for Christmas last year. "We" meaning that Sexy and I purchased one for the family. (cause that is the whole reason we have a family...so we can buy toys and claim they are for the family...we are smrt!) I wanted to get a Wii Fit but the only thing harder than finding and purchasing a Wii for Christmas last year was finding and purchasing a Wii Fit! Sexy got me one for Valentines Day and I bet I was one of the few wives who received said gift that was truly grateful! Oh honey, exercise equipment for Valentines Day...you shouldn't have...really.

I am positive that I have mentioned previously that I don't like to exercise. I thought...Wii Fit will make it fun and I'll stick with it and it will work. So Sexy gets it all set up and I go through the initial "body test" and it takes my already shorter and wider than average Mii (which I made shorter and wider than average in an attempt to be somewhat accurate in creating the Mii) and makes it FAT. My Mii...FAT. I know I'm fat. You don't have to make my Mii fat to emphasize the point! So lets just say that in order to PUNISH the Wii Fit I didn't use it for 8 months. If I could figure out how to capture an image of my fat Mii and put it on the interwebs I would share it with you cause that is how I roll! Alas, I haz no IT skillz!

The point you ask...and for once I actually have one...I have issued a Wii Fit challenge to myself. The purpose of the challenge is to create a habit of using the Wii Fit. The challenge is to "play" on the Wii Fit and earn 20 minutes of tokens at least 3 times a week. This is the challenge for October. I am planning on meeting that challenge and raising it in November but we will deal with that WHEN it happens. I am actually going to try and get three sessions in this very short week of October. I did my first session last night and it actually was fun! I know I was shocked too! I saw some very distinct improvement in my capabilities and I'm actually sore today!

da flu

2009-10-01T08:09:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I had the flu. Not sure if it was seasonal or H1N1. Either way it was pretty terrible. Sexy got it first on Friday. He thought it was a sinus infection. We attended my 15 year class reunion Saturday. It was fun and exhausting and I could tell that Sexy felt terrible but knew it was important to me that he be there so he was. Then on Sunday morning his "sinus infection" moved to his chest. By Sunday evening I was sick. We were both hoping it wasn't the flu but when we woke up Monday morning we both felt like we had been run over by a big Mack truck. I basically took NyQuil and slept every minute that I was able. We tag teamed and got the kids to school. We weren't able to take Fighter Pilot to his football practice which was also his picture day. Sassafras did make it to soccer practice but only because I could just drop her off and pick her up. We managed to get everyone feed and in bed and pass out. Tuesday in the early morning my fever broke. Tuesday morning I actually considered going to work but decided to heed the "don't return to civilization for 24 hours after fever" warning as not to turn my whole office into zombies. I barely ate Monday and Tuesday was only a little better. Wednesday I was able to go to work but was incredibly weak. I am hoping some rest this weekend will help me fully recuperate.

I didn't lose any weight this week but also didn't gain. I did eat too much a couple of days but I really think that the not eating for two days made my body panic and that is why there was no movement on the scale *shrugs* I am not an expert so who the hell really knows!

The picture below is of the kids on our first outing on the trail that runs behind our neighborhood. It was fun and adventurous. One of the things I would like to change in my life is my level of activity. Not just with exercising but with parenting. I would like to be one of those parents who plays with their children instead of just watching their children play. I also think that it would help instill in them a preference of activity over inactivity. I have no such preference and would mostly rather sit on my ass and watch tv. We had a blast!

Fresh Flowers

2009-09-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

Can I get a HELL YEAH!!!

2009-09-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

WEIGHT WATCHERS WEDNESDAY

I lost 4lbs. this week. I kinda thought it might be coming but actually seeing it made my day! I am so please with WW and with myself for sticking to it. We discussed in our meeting today that the accountability of the WW program with its weekly weight in and meeting help to get you back on track when you "fall off the wagon". That has certainly been the case for me.

Aaaww....come ON!

2009-09-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

That is the expression most often used by Fighter Pilot when something unexpected happens. He is bringing in the mail and he drops some..."Aaaww come ON!" with his hands thrown into the air as if he is speaking to God himself! Sassafras is also saying it now. It never ceases to crack me up. I have been trying to figure out where they got that expression. Sometimes they say something and I know I'm the responsible party.

"Dude" I use that word a lot...probalby too much when communicating with my children. I am not even consistent in my use...good, bad, funny and exasperated.

"He/she is on fire" most commonly used when someone's fever is so bad their whole face is red. Fighter Pilot came home telling me one of his classmates had to go home because "she was on fire". It took me a minute to realize that he had adopted my phrase and was talking about a fever.

Sassafras is currently the only member of our family who leaves a room by saying, "Peace Out" and throwing a peace sign.

Peace Out!

No more FAT jeans!

2009-09-18T11:05:00.000-07:00

I had a great thing happen this morning when I was getting dressed.

In my office most Fridays are "jean" day. We don't interact with people outside our office very often. We do most of our contact through the telephone, fax and email. I wish we could wear jeans everyday but who doesn't wish that right? Having said that, as an attorney, this is the first job I've ever had that allows me to regularly wear jeans on Friday. I have only been able to wear my "fat" jeans for the past 8 months or so. These were the jeans I wore when I was retaining water or gained a little weight. Usually when I would have to start wearing them I would make some effort to slow down my eating to get back into my regular jeans (which are still a plus size pair of jeans but obviously a size smaller and thereby more acceptable). The last time I got into my "fat" jeans I just kept eating. Till they got tight and uncomfortable and then I joined WW because I did not want to be one of those people who end up weighting 350 lbs. and can barely walk.

This morning when I went to put my jeans on I remember they were in the laundry. I have had very low energy this week for probably a multitude of reasons but it has caused me to get behind on my laundry. So I decide to grab another pair of jeans, the ones I haven't been able to get into for 8 months. OMG.THEY.TOTALLY.FIT!!!! I was so excited...I am still so excited! Now I can't wait to lose more weight and have to actually buy jeans in a size I haven't worn in YEARS!!!

Weight Watchers Wednesday

2009-09-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

I lost 2 1/4 lbs. Woo WOO! That brings my total to 17 lbs.! I am very excited that the downward trend is continuing. I hope to keep it heading in that direction for a very long time. I have made lots of changes in my eating habits. Other than the fact that I am doing Weight Watchers I haven't really talked much about what I am eating. I am going to cut and paste a typical work day food entry. The numbers following the name of the food are the WW points.

Breakfast

1 serving alpine lace reduced fat provolone cheese 2.0
1 slice canadian bacon 1.0
16 fl oz coffee
1 serving multi-grain sandwich thins 1.0
6 servings non dairy creamer 1.0
6 servings splenda
1 serving v8 1.0

Lunch
1 serving Mountain Dew (12 fl oz) 3.0
1 serving ravioli florentine 5.0

Dinner
1 serving fresh spinach
1 serving ground beef 8.0
1/2 serving light sour cream 0.5
2 servings romaine lettuce

Snacks / Other
1 serving all bran garlic herb cracker 2.0
1 serving chocolate truffle bar 2.0
1 serving laughing cow original creamy swiss 1.0
1 serving microwave 94% fat free popcorn 1.0
1 serving mountain dew 3.0
1 serving wasa multi grain crispbread 0.5

Poor mistreated blog

2009-09-15T06:47:00.000-07:00

I've been ignoring my blog. It just isn't right. I've apologized but I don't think my blog has forgiven me.

I totally missed WW Wednesday last week...and I lost weight even!!! I lost 2.25 lbs and made it past my first goal of 14 lbs. I am very proud of myself for sticking with this but was hoping to lose a little faster. I know what the problem is...I don't track all my food closely enough and I still have little episodes in which I do things I know won't assist the goal of losing weight. Like last night when I ate the two pieces of buttered Italian bread we have left from dinner Saturday night. They were totally yummy but totally not within my point allowance. Couple that with a little chocolate chip cookie dough fiasco from Saturday night and I'm not sure how this week is going to go. There is one big difference between this time and all previous times I've attempted to lose weight. When I do go off my diet I don't throw in the towel. I don't say all is lost lets eat the entire contents of the fridge and freeze. That difference is big...HUGE! That is the difference I hope is going to see me through this and to my goal weight.

I'll let you know how tomorrow goes...

My high school English teacher would be so proud of the alliteration!

2009-09-02T10:50:00.001-07:00

Weight Watchers Wednesday

I gained a pound this week. I am disappointed because I followed my WW plan, stayed within my point allowance and just generally did well this week. I am still not exercising but should still lose if following the plan. Having said that it is probably just a water issue and next week will be great. I am not going to be discouraged and go eat a whole cheesecake.

Fresh Flowers

I read a lot of blogs. Many of them have little features that give you insight into the authors life. I am thinking of doing this with my fresh flowers. I love fresh flowers on a dinning room table and just about any other place too. For a long time I have denied myself this pleasure. We were kind of broke in July so Sexy wasn't able to get me the new camera I so desperately wanted. He brought me flowers instead. They looked so lovely on my dining room table that I have kept fresh flowers on my table since. I took a picture last week but didn't get around to posting it so this week there will be two pictures. Sometimes the arraignments last two weeks so I'm not promising that there will be a new picture every week but I plan on taking one as soon as I get the flowers on the table.

Spelling Test are for LOSERS

2009-08-28T09:56:00.000-07:00

Fighter Pilot has his first spelling test today. First grades sucks. Spelling test suck. It is hard for me to be too hard on my kids about spelling, or the inability to spell, given that I am a terrible speller. No really. Spell check saved my live...and I am only kidding a little bit!

Sassafras is an excellent speller. She is a great all around daughter. The single trait that makes this true is her fierce desire to please adults. She wants you to be happy with her. To tell her that you are happy with her and to hug her a lot. Her first spelling test was a breeze. She brought the list home and I got all excited about it. Finally we had some homework. Something I could do to help her with school other than read to her every night (my favorite part of my "mommy" day). I called out the words to her and she got every freaking one right. If I had an easy button I so would have pushed it.

Fighter Pilot brought home his first spelling list this week. The words were easy. They were sight words that he learned in Kindergarten (and promptly forgot over the summer because his bonus Mom packed his flashcards and sight word books when they moved and never unpacked them). Words like...at, am, as, have, that, and. I can't remember all ten but you get the idea.

Tuesday night before reading his new library book (he checked out from the school library and actually got to bring home because he is a big boy) I told him we would have to work on his spelling words. I called out the first one on the list.

Accentia: Spell "am"

Fighter Pilot: crickets chirping

Accentia: Did Mrs. 1st Grade Teacher (who also taught your sister and literally asked us if she could adopt her) explain to you what a spelling test was and what was expected of you?

Fighter Pilot: more crickets

It is going to be a long year at Casa De Accentia!

Speaking of me casa...I originally intended for this blog to chronically my journey in preparing several aspects of my life for getting pregnant. I have obviously kept you up to date on the weight issue. However, have never once spoken again of the house and finance issues...or even explained what the issues where. I'll do that next week...promise!

UPDATE!!! He made a 100% A on his spelling test. Wonders never cease to amaze! Photographic evidence below.

Second Verse Same as the First

2009-08-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

Second week in a row for no weight loss. I am again ok with that as I had feared a gain. I had my annual girls weekend at the lake. I made great choices and watched my portions but did not count points for the entire 2 1/2 day trip. I had also had trouble the two days prior to the trip and went over my points.

This is what is so funny when you change the way you eat. Compared to every other girls weekend I ate leaps and bounds better this year. Compared to how I eat when I am working the WW plan I didn't eat so fabulous. Next week I am hoping for a good loss. I am still not exercising. The treadmill is no longer an option as I broke the console when moving it last week. Sexy can get it to work but only on 4 mph with an incline of 10...not happening! I have been considering getting up off my ass and doing the Wii Fit. So far I've only gotten as far as the considering. I have lost 13.5 lbs. I am .5 lbs from my first goal.

Sexy Sexy Rockstar

2009-08-07T14:03:00.001-07:00

I am so blessed in so many ways but the one that comes to mind most often lately is my husband. I honestly had never sat down and thought about what married life would be like. I mean I thought about stuff like how many kids I want to have. Places I would like to live and raise a family. I just never considered the day to day aspects of a relationship.

He handles me so well. He understands me so well. When I am all hormonal and crazytown he usually responds in the right way. He knows how to tell me things...even the hard things...in a way that I actually hear them. Which brings me to the most amazing part...when I hear him and respond in an appropriate way instead of freaking out and getting mad at him he thinks I'm awesome!

On the WW front...last time I posted anything about WW I had gained 4 lbs. The next week I lost 5 1/2...thank goodness! Last week I stayed the same. I weigh in again tomorrow.

Speaking of weddings...

2009-08-05T13:45:00.000-07:00

My brother-in-law got married this past weekend. It was one of those do-it-yourself weddings. When Sexy and I got married we knew we couldn't pull off a do-it-yourself wedding...we are too lazy! Luckily Sexy's mother is very good at cooking and decorating. We were drafted to assist with this do-it-yourself wedding. It was great fun and a lot of work.

The downside was that I ate and drank things that would not be considered "good choices". I did limit my portions on the food but not on the cokes. Sexy's mom and step-dad live in the country and they have sulfur in their water. It smells nasty. I.CAN.NOT.DRINK.IT. I can barley brush my teeth or bath in it.

I know I have issues. So I drank sweet tea and cokes for four days and shock me shock me shock me I gained four lbs. So that sucks. Glad the wedding went well. I will now be devising a strategy for the next time we head to the in-laws. It will most certainly entail bottled water.

No squirrels were harmed

2009-08-04T13:36:00.000-07:00

The aforementioned deer incident reminded me of another animal related story. The first wedding I attended with Sexy was for Middle Sister's husband's sister. (I have two biological sisters. I am the youngest. Middle Sister is 14 months older than me and lives about 15 minutes away. Older Sister is 5 years older than me and lives about 2 hours away.) It was a lavish affair on New Year's Eve. I was really excited about it because 1. I don't get dressed up, fix my hair and wear make up very often (I'm just not one of those girls) and 2. We usually stay home on New Years Eve.

It was a really great wedding. The couple was lovely and everyone was delighted they were getting married. The reception was awesome. Seriously, it included an Elvis impersonator and everything! The plan was for the Bride and Groom to leave after everyone had rung in the new year properly...outside on the deck with fireworks and kisses. The guest were given sparklers and there was an actual fireworks show.

I was standing with Sexy and my mom at the edge of the deck enjoying the moonlight view of the lake waiting on the fireworks. The first fireworks went off and all of a sudden there was SOMETHING ON MY HEAD. A FURRY SOMETHING ON MY HEAD. The furry something was holding on to my head for dear life and then jumped off my head out into the wilderness. My husband and several on lookers had looks of amazement on their faces and after making sure I was OK and laughing till they almost peed their pants, told me that the furry something was in fact a squirrel. Apparently a squirrel that had been happily living its life...not patiently waiting for the fireworks I'm guessing....and was startled out of the tree by the fireworks.

Amazingly I was fine...just a few scratches. The squirrel...as mentioned in this post title...was not harmed.

Meeting Goals and Taking Names

2009-07-29T14:14:00.001-07:00

I weighed in today at WW and had lost another 2.5 lbs. I am very excited about my progress and happy with the fact that I have success even when I am not perfect with my eating...cause face it I'll never be perfect! My first goal was to lose 14 lbs. I am nearing that goal having lost a total of 12 lbs.

I am learning to take my good snacks with me when I go places so that I have good options. I am learning that feeling satisfied is better than feeling full. I am learning that I CAN DO THIS!

Wind and Sun Therapy

2009-07-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

I don't own a convertible but my mom and sister do. It is almost as good as having my own...but not quite. My 2nd boss, she is the assistant to my 1st boss, also has a convertible. Sometimes on her lunch break she drives around in her car. She calls it wind and sun therapy.

This weekend I got some wind and sun therapy thanks to my Mom's Volkswagen Eos convertible. It is a sporty, black, beautiful machine. She used to have a convertible bug. It was great. The Eos is better.

Sexy, Mom and I headed to a drive-in movie theater this weekend. Our destination was about an hour from where we started. It was a great opportunity for some wind and sun therapy. We had the oldies channel turned up, sunglasses on, top and windows down and were cruising through some of the most beautiful landscape this country has to offer.

I saw a deer and pointed it out to Sexy who was driving. His response was what it always is..."I see it". Then, unlike all the other time, it jumped into the road, in front of us. HOLY FREAKIN COW we hit a deer...or maybe the deer hit us.

I didn't actually see it cause I was curled up in the fetal position in the passenger seat praying. But I heard it and I saw the aftermath. It was trau-freaking-matic. We pulled over to survey the damage...to us and the deer. The car was damaged but repairable. The deer was in the road injured and unable to stand up. It kept trying. It kept breaking my heart.

I don't like guns. I don't want to take yours away but I don't like them. There is a story that goes with my dislike of guns but I will save that for another day. I am a southern girl so I was taught to shoot a gun...when I was 8. This was the first time EVER that I wished I had one handy. The sight of that deer in so much pain and misery. It was almost more than I could bear.

I was trying to figure out what to do...who to call. When another car stopped by the deer. The driver and passenger were attempting to put the deer in their vehicle. Clearly, they had never seen Tommy Boy! They seemed to be taking matters into their own hands and I am hoping that at the very least they ended that deer's suffering.

We went on to the movies. Thankful that things had not gone so very badly for us. Blessed that we were able to make the ride back home...watching for deer.

Thats what I'm talking about...

2009-07-22T12:29:00.000-07:00

I am officially starting my fifth week of Weight Watchers (WW) and have lost 9.5 lbs. I am really excited about it! I am also really enjoying WW. It is so easy and flexible. I am learning to make good choices because when I do I get to eat more food. I am drinking more water. Eating smaller portions. Eating a lot more fruits and veggies. I am also learning how to be satisfied instead of full or stuffed. I will keep you posted about my progress.

I am not exercising.

We are reading "The Shack" in my Sunday school class. I am really enjoying the book but mostly the discussions about the book that follow in Sunday school.

When I was a kid we went to church (Methodist) most Sundays. When I was a teenager my parents stopped going. My sister and I didn't...we just went on our own. My dad was very religious and seems to have gotten mad at God when his mother died and never recovered. My mom is more spiritual than religious. She is very open to different paths. She has explored other religions and seems more interested in learning about them than actually participating in them.

When I bought my first house it was down the street from a Methodist Church. I never went. I'm really not sure why other than I liked to sleep in on the weekends and I get nervous around new people. When Sexy and I got engaged I decided that if we were going to raise children (he had 2 biological children and 2 step children from his first marriage) then I wanted to raise them in the church. We visited the "blue jean" service. I just didn't feel it. It didn't feel like church. Then we got custody of 3 of the children and I got overwhelmed and didn't do much of anything but take care of them for a couple years. Then I decided to try again. This time I went to the traditional service.

It was like coming home.

I know a lot of people who talk trash about the traditions of High Church. Singing the same songs. Saying the same prayers. I had not had an opinion either way until that day. Those traditions were so comforting and welcoming.

I really feel connected to God now. I don't know all the answers. I'm really still uncomfortable talking about religion. I love going to church and Sunday school. I don't feel superior to those who don't go. I don't know that anyone looking at me would see that I have changed my life so much in the day to day aspects. I've always been a pretty good person and usually made the right choices morally and ethically. What has changed is me. I am listening to God when he tells me to "fear not" and I am trying to pray about things and for people. So many times I feel helpless but I can pray and it makes me feel less helpless. I feel more connected to everything and everyone.

Oy!

2009-06-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

I didn't walk. I'm not going to waste your time with a lot of silly excuses. I just didn't and I should have and I'm going to tonight.

I joined Weight Watchers today. My official first goal is to lose 14 lbs. I am excited about this endeavor. I will keep you posted.

Meanwhile back at the farm...I have terrible PMS. Seriously, I can understand why some have used or tried to use PMS as a defense to homicide. Even doctors now realize that for some the PMS can be really really bad and so they call it PMDD, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. During my premenstrual time I am supposed to double up on my "happy pill" (read anti-anxiety/depression medication...I lurv lexapro!) but this month instead I completely stopped taking it*.

Es stupido.

Now someone must die.

I have been able to rationally talk myself out of killing 1. Sexy, 2. my mother, 3. my kids, 4. my co-worker and 5. random person in traffic who COULD.NOT.MERGE! Don't worry the PMS/PMDD will be passing any minute now and I'm taking my "happy pill" again...so you're safe...for now.

*I did not intentionally stop taking it...I just sort of forgot for 5 days in a row. I think my subconscious wants to kill someone!?

Newton's First Law

2009-06-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

An object at rest tends to stay at rest. I did exercise four times last week. I am proud of that. I haven't done a damn thing since. I am NOT proud of that. I will be walking tonight for 28 minutes and doing the exercises for Day 5 of the Biggest Loser 30 day jump start.

Wednesday at noon I will be attending my first Weight Watchers meeting. I have been talking with a friend who is doing WW and she is having success. What I like about the WW system is the flexibility.

And now time for a funny story...

I got my first obscene phone call yesterday. It was on my cell phone. I was sitting at my desk at work when the phone rang and showed a "withheld" number. I answered it anyway just in case and I will share a portion of the call with you.

Accentia: Hello

Obscene caller: What time do you get off? (lots of weird noises in the background...running water...movement...muffled voice)

A: who is this?

OC: (muffle muffle) Bryan...What time do you get off?

A: (Still unsure about what is going on and whether or not I know the other person on the phone) why do you want to know?

OC: What time do you get off?

A: The normal time (is my oh so clever answer in case this is a murder who will be waiting for me in the parking deck?)

OC: You would get off a lot faster if you would get on my d**k

A: (uproarious laughter as hanging up cell phone)

Fade black

It seriously cracked me up. So...what time do you get off?

STUPID SCALE

2009-06-18T13:26:00.000-07:00

I walked for 24 minutes yesterday! I didn't do the exercises cause I just couldn't seem to make myself. Also, I weighed yesterday and was not pleased to discover that I have gained 40ish pounds in about 6 months and that is bad...real bad. Dr. Birkenstock is going to hate all over me tomorrow. I am considering posting my weight tomorrow after the doctor's appoint...the official doctor's office weight. Tune in to see if I have the courage!

Bad Attitude

2009-06-17T13:59:00.000-07:00

I walked for 22 mins. I did the exercises afterward. I don't like exercising. I have spent most of my life avoiding it...rather successfully I might add. I am hoping that eventually I will love exercising and it won't be such a struggle to make myself do it.

In other news, I have a Dr. appoint Friday with Dr. Birkenstock. I have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism but my test came back normal after taking the smallest dose of medicine...that was over a year ago. In the meantime my sister was diagnosed with Hasimoto's which is an auto immune disorder that attacks your thyroid. It tends to run in families.

I have been struggling lately with various issues, motivation, depression, sensitivity to cold, exhaustion and honestly just a bad attitude. Don't get me wrong I have always had trouble with getting motivated to do things I don't like to do but now I am even having trouble getting motivated to do the things I love to do. I am just so.freakin.tired.all.the.time. I had my sister give me a list of all the test they ran on her thyroid (various hormone and antibody test) so I can take it to my doctor cause I feel like something is off. I'll keep you posted.

My did it!

2009-06-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

I did my twenty minutes on the treadmill and my movements after...they are mostly stretching type movements this week...eventually this turns into the strength training portion of the workout. I am proud of myself and resolved to use exercise to get my body healthy. I'm not ready to actually disclose how much I weigh but a goal is a great thing to have. My first goal is to lose 15 lbs. I am a big fan of positive reinforcement. I am not going to set a goal without having a reward for meeting it. My reward for meeting my first goal will be to get a facial. I have always wanted to get one so here is my chance! My ultimate goal is to be around 140. Having said that I am not waiting until I reach that weight to start trying to have a baby. I don't have a number for that yet. I'll let ya know.

On another note, the church I attend sends out an email blessing every Monday...cause who couldn't use a little extra blessing on Mondays. This week the blessing was about our fathers, in honor of the approaching holiday. I am including it here because I enjoyed it and I thought you might as well.

Bless all fathers and all those who have given fatherly love
As You have given life so they have given us life, and they live in us.
Give them joy as children feel joy
At making part of Your wonderful creation.
Let them know richness and satisfaction
Let them feel our gratitude and love
Let them be happy

We thank you for the gift of our fathers
Pour out your blessings on them, and show us how to love them better
Let their lives be long and fruitful
So their families may love them even more
Give them wonder and awe
Give them peace and serenity
Give them our love

In the name of our Father, bless our fathers
Hold them close to You.

The Biggest Loser 30 Day Jump Start

2009-06-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

I am starting the exercise portion of the 30 day jump start TODAY! I got Sexy to get the treadmill out of storage and put it in the man cave in front of the tv.

The way it works...at least for cardio...your goal is to walk for 60 mins 6 days a week. You start by walking for 20 mins the first day....then every day you add 2 mins. By the end of the 30 days you should have accomplished the goal. There are other exercises that you are supposed to do but honestly I've forgotten what they are. I will let you know tomorrow.

Yes, loyal reader, tomorrow. I hope to post an entry letting you know if I in fact did walk my required minutes and complete my required movements (other exercises). I am hoping this will improve not only my health but also my poor blogging skills. Wish me luck!

I have every intention of following the food portion of the 30 day jump start as well but am trying to diminish the unacceptable food that is in the pantry and freezer first.

A rose by any other name smells just as sweet...or something like that

2009-05-08T11:51:00.000-07:00

I heart David Letterman…and his non-specific accent.

I think my love of Letterman started when I was a little girl with insomnia. I would occasionally gather up all my courage and crawl down to the end of the hallway where it meets our living room and watch Late Night with David Letterman. What I remember most is seeing my dad laughing…really laughing. My dad is not a big laugher so this was something new to me. Who was this magic man on TV who could make my dad laugh? It was fascinating.

Fast forward to my senior year of high school, I’m still a girl with insomnia but now I have a TV in my own room and watch Letterman every night. His show is on a different station and is called Late Show with David Letterman. One night he had just gotten back from vacation and was trying to talk in the accent of wherever he had been and it didn’t go very well. He responded, “That’s my non-specific accent”. I don’t think he ever said it again but I say it all the time.

I have a terrible habit of imitating people I’m around…and their accents. I, like Letterman, usually am not successful in my imitation. I often say, that is my non-specific accent. People laugh…I credit Letterman…they look confused. Probably because when searching around sites devoted to him and his show I found only ONE reference to the phrase “non-specific accent” and that one was from March, 14, 1994 (my senior year) and is the one I referenced above…at least that site confirms it actually did happen and I didn’t imagine the whole thing!

940314 Mon LateShow#125

Antics: Dave's back from vacationing in the Virgin Islands

Antics: Dave does his `non-specific' accent

Story: A picture from a viewer of a boy scaring Dave with a gun

Roof cam: Antics: Dave has problems with the Roof cam controls

Roof cam: Neighbor: Dave shows us _Insoo Salon_ above _Flashdancers_

Phone call: Neighbor: Dave calls _Insoo Salon_ and requests manicure

for bouncer at _Flashdancers_

Alan King [actor, comedian] interview

Roof cam: Neighbor: bouncer at _Flashdancers_ gets a manacure

Aretha Franklin [soul] song, interview and song `Think'

Roof cam: Neighbor: Appearance: Alan King [actor, comedian] gets a manacure

I don’t know if this is a true explanation of why my blog is called “non-specific” accent but at least now you know where the term came from and when I figure out the why that goes along with it…I’ll let ya know!

Project Baby

2008-10-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor today for my annual physical. I have lots of ailments, anemia (with a B-12 and folic acid deficiency), hypothyroidism, carpal tunnel, tennis elbow, pmdd, morbid obesity (saying it out loud and writing it totally suck), incisional hernia and the list goes on. The point is that I want a baby. I have been married for two years to Sexy Sexy Rockstar (yes that is his blog name but I will often just shorten it to Sexy) it will be three years on 4/22/09. We have full custody of his children from a previous marriage (dd, Sassafras, 8 yrs old and ds, Fighter Pilot, 5 years old). We have discussed having a baby of our own and although he is perfectly content with our family as it is he understands my desire to have a baby and is fine with having another one. So I have decided to commit myself for the next year to getting myself, my finances and my house in order so that I can have a baby.

I typed that and immediately went back to correct to it to "try to have a baby" because I have this gut feeling that I might not be able to have one but I am going to be positive. I'm not even going to worry about that now.

One of my favorite Fighter Pilot stories happened when I asked him what he thought about his daddy and I having a baby…he was 3…and it went something like this:

Accentia (that's me): Fighter Pilot, do you think that Daddy and I should have a baby?

Fighter Pilot: Yes (dramatic pause) me (pointing to his chest)

I mean really does it get any more adorable than that?