I am so desperately tired. I went to the lady doctor and she upped my meds to help with the hormonal crazy. She told me to go to GP to deal with other issues. I have a new GP. I will call him Dr. Laptop. He is very nice and technologically advanced with his fancy laptop and stylus. He ran some labs and we are waiting on the results to figure out what might be causing the fatigue. I feel about a thousand times better mentally. Not sure if that is the upped meds or some hormonal stability that accompanies this time period in my cycle. Either way I'm grateful for the good mood and positive outlook. Now if can just get some energy things will be all better!
Weight Watcher Wednesday
I lost 4.5 lbs. I'm slowly making my way back to the lowest weight I attained at WW. I am 8.75 lbs. away. I'm done beating myself up over it. Just focusing on the things I'm doing right. My goal this week is to track everything I eat and to eat 5 servings from the fruit and veggie group daily.
In other news...
This is a conversation I had with Fighter Pilot the other day:
Accentia: Your first bonus spelling word is butterfly. Butterfly is a compound word.
Fighter Pilot: B-U-T-T-E-R (imitating a fly buzzing around our living room) F-L-Y.
A: Great! You second bonus word is insect.
FP: Insect is a compound word too! I-N (pointing between his legs) SEX (literally rolling on the floor laughing)
I had to laugh I couldn't help myself!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I get by with a little help from my friends...and family
Hormones. Man.They.Suck.
I feel so much better today it is ridiculous. I knew hormones were playing a part in what was going on the past two days but I wasn't giving them enough credit. Having said that I am headed to my lady doctor tomorrow to discuss some treatment options. I have pretty bad PMS...might even be PMDD. I discussed this with my lady doctor the last time I saw her and we upped my dosage of my anti-depressant that week to see if that would do the trick. It appears not to be willing to even attempt the trick!
I clearly have had some depression this year that I am not used to experiencing. I seem to be able to tolerate it most days. Other days not so much. I am also going to have her run some thyroid test because my lack of energy has also been overwhelming and I don't' know whether it is related to the depression or the thyroid disorder. We shall see. I was telling Middle Sister that most days I can keep my negative self-talk in check but on bad days it kind of spirals. She said I might want to start by changing my tag line from "doing it wrong since 1976" to something more..I don't know...positive. I took down the negative and am trying to think of something to replace it.
Yesterday my work family, Middle Sister and Sexy pulled me through. I have said a special prayer of thanks to God for them. I am so grateful to have a support system. If your reading this...thank you so much! You will never know how much your kind words helped me in my time of need.
Weight Watchers Update
SURPRISE!!! I lost 2.25lbs this week. I tracked about half the time. I had a miniature Reece cup incident involving plastic eggs and a sever lack of discipline and I made The Pioneer Woman's mashed potatoes for Easter at my Mom's. I've linked the recipe. It is not point friendly. It is however the.best.mashed.potatoes.ever! Sexy peeled 10 lbs. of potatoes. He loves me. I love him. While he was standing over the sink peeling I told him that he had never looked more sexy. Honest!
One interesting thing about the past two days is that I stayed on points (OP). It is usually the first thing to go. I'm glad it didn't work out that way this time. Weight Watchers is having a walking challenge that culminates in walking a 5K on 6/6/10. Middle Sister and I are going to do it together. Hopefully this will help me get back into the moderate activity that really helps me stay on track.
Middle Sister is doing WW online. It has been fun to have that be one more thing we can talk about. She is having success and I am very proud of her. She said something to me last week that really helped. She told me to remember the reason I started all this in the first place. Which is so I can have a baby. It has really helped me to stay focused. Thanks Middle Sister!
Also I've been getting daily tip of the day via email from PeerTrainer. Great info and it seems like a great program.
I feel so much better today it is ridiculous. I knew hormones were playing a part in what was going on the past two days but I wasn't giving them enough credit. Having said that I am headed to my lady doctor tomorrow to discuss some treatment options. I have pretty bad PMS...might even be PMDD. I discussed this with my lady doctor the last time I saw her and we upped my dosage of my anti-depressant that week to see if that would do the trick. It appears not to be willing to even attempt the trick!
I clearly have had some depression this year that I am not used to experiencing. I seem to be able to tolerate it most days. Other days not so much. I am also going to have her run some thyroid test because my lack of energy has also been overwhelming and I don't' know whether it is related to the depression or the thyroid disorder. We shall see. I was telling Middle Sister that most days I can keep my negative self-talk in check but on bad days it kind of spirals. She said I might want to start by changing my tag line from "doing it wrong since 1976" to something more..I don't know...positive. I took down the negative and am trying to think of something to replace it.
Yesterday my work family, Middle Sister and Sexy pulled me through. I have said a special prayer of thanks to God for them. I am so grateful to have a support system. If your reading this...thank you so much! You will never know how much your kind words helped me in my time of need.
Weight Watchers Update
SURPRISE!!! I lost 2.25lbs this week. I tracked about half the time. I had a miniature Reece cup incident involving plastic eggs and a sever lack of discipline and I made The Pioneer Woman's mashed potatoes for Easter at my Mom's. I've linked the recipe. It is not point friendly. It is however the.best.mashed.potatoes.ever! Sexy peeled 10 lbs. of potatoes. He loves me. I love him. While he was standing over the sink peeling I told him that he had never looked more sexy. Honest!
One interesting thing about the past two days is that I stayed on points (OP). It is usually the first thing to go. I'm glad it didn't work out that way this time. Weight Watchers is having a walking challenge that culminates in walking a 5K on 6/6/10. Middle Sister and I are going to do it together. Hopefully this will help me get back into the moderate activity that really helps me stay on track.
Middle Sister is doing WW online. It has been fun to have that be one more thing we can talk about. She is having success and I am very proud of her. She said something to me last week that really helped. She told me to remember the reason I started all this in the first place. Which is so I can have a baby. It has really helped me to stay focused. Thanks Middle Sister!
Also I've been getting daily tip of the day via email from PeerTrainer. Great info and it seems like a great program.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Lost
I have a post-it attached to my computer screen that says "Possibly Blog Post" at the top and underneath it is a list of things I want to write about but haven't found the time. On the list is "SAD".
There was a moment in February when I kinda fell apart. I just felt like I couldn't function anymore. I had not felt like myself for a while...probably a month or more but couldn't' figure out the problem. It felt like depression but I had only ever experienced situational depression. I couldn't figure it out. I have a great husband, great children, great job, great life but I could only focus on what was wrong with me and my life. I had put on a mask and most didn't even know that anything was wrong with me. There was a day though in February when I just broke. I couldn't fake it anymore. I consulted my google md and discovered that I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder. It fit all my symptoms. My mother has struggled with this and has one of those special lights she uses in the darker months. I was surprised I hadn't thought of is sooner. I felt so much better just having figured it out. It was almost spring. The time was changing. There would be more sunlight and I would be ok.
I would find my joy again. The joy I have in serving my family. In meal planning, grocery shopping and providing my family with nutritious food. In doing laundry and the bedtime routine. The joy I have in Church activities like Bible Study, Sunday School and helping to plan the community Easter sunrise service. The joy I have in watching my children at batting practice and soccer practice. The joy in my everyday life that had been so abundant in the past but seemed to have disappeared. Making those activities a burden. A chore. A yolk.
I had also had some problems with taking my vitamins and medications regularly. Including my thyroid medicine which probably contributed to lack of energy and my anti-depressant...which I don't know might be contributing the THE FREAKING DEPRESSION. (I am actually prescribed the anti-depressant for anxiety but whatever)
So here we are. It is April. I'm still not myself. I'm still not finding my joy. I still can only see what is wrong. What is wrong with me. What I am doing wrong. All the bad things about myself. I'm trying. I swear I am. I'm trying to see the joy.
In case you were wondering I gained last week. I'll probably gain this week to. This is of course on the list of what is wrong with me.
I was watching Oprah last night and she was talking about "Women, Food and God: An Unexpected Path to almost Everything". She was doing an update on a woman who had been on the show 5 years ago after having lost 150 lbs. She had gained it all back and had lost another 100. She and Oprah were talking about how you have to love yourself and your situation as you are right now. At the weight you are right now. The way you are right now. Otherwise you will just continue to gain the weight back. I'm so far from that place it is hard to even imagine it.
I'm struggling. I know I will be ok but I could use your prayers right now.
There was a moment in February when I kinda fell apart. I just felt like I couldn't function anymore. I had not felt like myself for a while...probably a month or more but couldn't' figure out the problem. It felt like depression but I had only ever experienced situational depression. I couldn't figure it out. I have a great husband, great children, great job, great life but I could only focus on what was wrong with me and my life. I had put on a mask and most didn't even know that anything was wrong with me. There was a day though in February when I just broke. I couldn't fake it anymore. I consulted my google md and discovered that I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder. It fit all my symptoms. My mother has struggled with this and has one of those special lights she uses in the darker months. I was surprised I hadn't thought of is sooner. I felt so much better just having figured it out. It was almost spring. The time was changing. There would be more sunlight and I would be ok.
I would find my joy again. The joy I have in serving my family. In meal planning, grocery shopping and providing my family with nutritious food. In doing laundry and the bedtime routine. The joy I have in Church activities like Bible Study, Sunday School and helping to plan the community Easter sunrise service. The joy I have in watching my children at batting practice and soccer practice. The joy in my everyday life that had been so abundant in the past but seemed to have disappeared. Making those activities a burden. A chore. A yolk.
I had also had some problems with taking my vitamins and medications regularly. Including my thyroid medicine which probably contributed to lack of energy and my anti-depressant...which I don't know might be contributing the THE FREAKING DEPRESSION. (I am actually prescribed the anti-depressant for anxiety but whatever)
So here we are. It is April. I'm still not myself. I'm still not finding my joy. I still can only see what is wrong. What is wrong with me. What I am doing wrong. All the bad things about myself. I'm trying. I swear I am. I'm trying to see the joy.
In case you were wondering I gained last week. I'll probably gain this week to. This is of course on the list of what is wrong with me.
I was watching Oprah last night and she was talking about "Women, Food and God: An Unexpected Path to almost Everything". She was doing an update on a woman who had been on the show 5 years ago after having lost 150 lbs. She had gained it all back and had lost another 100. She and Oprah were talking about how you have to love yourself and your situation as you are right now. At the weight you are right now. The way you are right now. Otherwise you will just continue to gain the weight back. I'm so far from that place it is hard to even imagine it.
I'm struggling. I know I will be ok but I could use your prayers right now.
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